First the words of Bridget Prentice – Justice Minister :-

“ The well-being of children is at the heart of the Family Law system. Courts should be the last resort for people involved in contact disputes, as mediation can be QUICKER and LESS STRESSFUL.

Where contact cases do come to court, the child’s welfare is always the paramount consideration. Clearly in some circumstances, such as where there is poor parenting or even abuse, contact can be damaging.

The government firmly believes that children should not be denied meaningful contact with their other parent, where this is safe.”

In the past the courts would have determined the level of maintenance, where as now they take more of a back seat role as this function has been taken over by the Child Support Agency.

Where children are caught up in the divorce, the courts will refer to them [children of both parties] as ‘Children of the Family’ . This includes those who are aged under 16, or 18 if they are in full time education; it also includes adopted children and children with special needs but not fostered children.

Normally the courts priority will be the children’s welfare and fulfilling their best interests – not either parent’s.
See – Form D185 Children And Divorce. You will have to complete 3 copies of form D8A informing the court of the arrangements for the children.

The children should, where possible, be included in the discussions relating to their future and not left on the side lines. Don’t forget that they are the innocent party in this breakup.

What ever your feelings to your partner please DO NOT use your children to pass messages between you ; do not feed them false information ; do not bribe or spoil them in order to win their favor.

Talk to them in their language but treat them as the hurt party and don’t forget they can be more mature than their age; in fact they can be more mature than some adults – don’t treat them as fools, they will sooner or later see through any scheming.

There are a number of places that you can obtain help and or information which you and or your children can access.

 Child Line  Tel.0800 11 11   www.childline.org.uk

 NSPCC   Tel.0808 800 5000     www.nspcc.org.uk

Resolution have a web page of suitable books ; DVDs ; videos -

www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=189

Look at – www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm

Childrens Legal Centre tel. 0800 783 2187 www.childrenslegalcentre.com

CAFCASS www.cafcass.gov.uk/cafcass_and_you/info_for_children.aspx

Childrens Legal Centre tel. 0800 783 2187 www.childrenslegalcentre.com

CAFCASS www.cafcass.gov.uk/cafcass_and_you/info_for_children.aspx

Cafcass stands for- Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service.

Cafcass is independent of the courts, social services, education and health authorities and all similar agencies.They have a number of leaflets available for children and teenagers

www.cafcass.gov.uk/publications/leaflets_for_children.aspx

www.cafcass.gov.uk/cafcass_and_you/info_for_teenagers.aspx

ME & MY FAMILY – Children aged 5 years & 8 years

MY FAMILY’S CHANGING – children aged 8 years & 13 years

MY FAMILY’S SPLITTING UP – Children aged 13 years +

There is a wealth of information on the web; just search – children and divorce.

One thing to make clear through out the process, is that the children are not to blame in any way and try to relate it to them having a good friend that for some reason they stopped being friends with but that breakup did not stop them being friends with others and after the hurt of that breakup they soon became themselves and life continued.

Do not forget to inform their schools and clubs of the situation as it could affect how they interact there.

They will react in many different ways but if after some weeks or a few months they show signs of getting worse rather than better, they may need some professional help.

Be on the lookout for signs of :-